Chicken Shit

Let me start by saying 

That is me this morning fo sho. I am super duper sleepy today. So lets make the most of it and prop our eyes with toothpicks, drink a pot of coffee and I guess a bottle of tums too because this coffee is NOT liking me at all today. 

Adding to this to do list, drink more coffee because I only have 14 more hours before I won’t have a sip until oh like 4 PM tomorrow. NOOOOOOOOOO

Ok so the scoop, I have never ever had to have surgeries, or any kind of anything for my health. I have always been a healthy OX (hehe) so I never had to worry about things like anesthesia or waking up and feeling it all but can’t speak, or dying on the table, or some unexpected whatever it be coming in and taking over my body. Hint, can you see I'm freaking out?!  This, let's remove some of your organs shit it scary as hell and I am not enjoying it one bit.

Tomorrow I am going in for major surgery, it’s only a 2.5 hour procedure, (ONLY, who are they kidding, because only 2.5 hours to me is eternity being put under) and everything should go smoothly.But the mere thought of being under that long terrifies me, for real! Just last month was the very first time I have ever been put under and though it went fine and I had no issues with it, it only lasted 30 minutes and nothing was cut, removed, stitched up, or missing afterwards.

Holy schnikes I am freaking!!! UGHHHH I can feel my veins shaking. Panic attacks blow btw , just in case you have never had one, and I definitely hope you never have to if not.

Oddly enough I know I will be ok, I am a pretty positive person, it is just my ridiculous anxiety that tries so hard to convince me that I need to be scared shitless. F you anxiety!!!

Now not to get all personal, but I know there are a bazillion of other women who have already walked this path, so they feel my freakingoutness 100%.

Yes there is your queue as to what type of surgery I am having. I will no longer be able to produce anymore Capuchin's. My troop is well a troop and that is big enough for me. :)

So as time seems to be passing so damn fast today, and I have done nothing but enjoy 4/20 thus far, vent to you all and panic. I guess I should breathe, chug the rest of the pot ( of coffee people) and do something for the day to prepare for my lack there of the next few days. 

Gosh I am not one who ever stops, I just cant imagine being down at all, ever, NO way. Having to rely on other people OMG shoot me now . Thank god I can stand my other half today, hopefully tomorrow and a few days there after too. (wink wink).

Well here's to me being a good ole

with hopefully a lot of time to blog more the next few days.